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*knocks you out with a calculator* bet you weren’t counting on that
when your parents try to explain a million things to you and youve just woken up
whenever you’re in a situation where you need motivation just whisper “give ‘em the old razzle dazzle” to yourself and proceed to give ‘em the old razzle dazzle.
i like that we say “oh, man” to express disappointment
because men are disappointing
it’s so amusing how offended people get when you’re comfortable with yourself. it’s been so great over the past few months watching people love themselves more. i love selfies and nudes and i love when girls call themselves queens and act like they’re the hottest thing on the planet and if anyone calls you self centered or pretentious blow them the biggest kiss and carry on.
REMEMBERING ALL YOUR NEGLECTED RESPONSIBILITIES AT ONCE LIKE
*gets insulted* Nah I don’t care, my mom has said worse to me
Ellen DeGeneres handing out pizza at the Academy Awards while Brad Pitt follows behind her with paper plates and napkins.
What a time to be alive.
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